So I looked him in the eye, put my right hand in his right hand and asked him “you ok?” He looked down and away, “yeh”, was his reply, I put my left  hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed his hand and asked “are you sure, anything you want to give up ,pray about, talk about?” “I could tell you were carrying a burden when you came in.” He looked me in the eye, eyes getting red, fighting back tears, ” I’m ok”.

This Tuesday night I was in one of the facilities where we do prison ministry and This young man, I will call him James, was a new face.

The evening started off different. one of the inmates, also a new face was already in the chapel, standing near the back praying. I could only hear a portion of his side of the conversation, but he was in an intimate discussion with the Lord. Something special was about to happen here, you could feel the energy, quiet and powerful.

God had led me to give a few of the men some time to share their favorite verse, and why it was special. I didn’t expect the results this little thing would bring. That it would permeate the entire meeting and begin bonding these men together as a team of believers, with common experience, goals and desires.

There were at least 40 men here, three had the opportunity to share. The first young man shared from John chapter 8, but the common theme among all three was, even though the scripture each of them shared was spoken to, you could see it had sparked something inside each of these men, that they needed to share with their brothers.

So the first young man was sharing a passage that led to an answer to a situation he was wrestling with, that culminated with him being able to establish a relationship with his daughter, pretty much for the first time. This resonated throughout the group, many of which also have young children, God was touching hearts.

The second man up was an older man, larger guy, harder looking. You could see he had experienced some life, not all good. When he spoke, he immediately put everyone at ease. He shared a simple truth easy to understand,and spoke for about eight minuets about how faith in Christ changed his life, and the old things that he use to live for and was all about, didn’t mean anything anymore, only God and this book that he had decided was worth putting his faith in. Great teaching and testimony for his brothers.

The last man to speak, talked about prayer. (he was the one praying when I came in) He shared how he had seen one of the other young guys in the middle of some stuff,  and how he was reacting, and he immediately went to the Lord in prayer on this young man’s behalf (It  just so happens the young man whom he was praying for was a friend of my son, twenty something years ago. which is another story in itself.) and he was saying , this man needed his prayer today but that he may be the one in need of prayer tomorrow. That they ( all the men in this group) were all his brothers in Christ, didn’t matter age, color, they were all his brothers and he would always treat them as brothers no matter if they were in chapel, or outside among whatever group, white, black, no matter what.

All of these men were open and clear about what God had put on their hearts, they were a blessing to me and you could see they were a blessing to the others in the room.

What I had not foreseen was how they would perfectly demonstrate exactly what we had decided Tuesday night would be about, not only understanding the Bible , what it says about salvation, how we should live. But also about mentor leadership, how we help those around us become better men and better followers of Christ.

This was only our second meeting, and they were opening their lives to each other, speaking truth into the lives of their “brothers”, sharing their stories that would to bind them together as a community within this community of men.  My plan for the last 15 min. of the meeting was to talk with them about building exactly this kind of culture into their group. to work out a vision for themselves and  their purpose for being there, to get their hearts right, but also to invest themselves in those around them, share and give and love the men around them and build a self-sufficient, that is they would not have to have someone from the outside to lead them. Sustainable, that is the current group of mentors preparing the next group of mentors to do the same with the next and so on, due to the two to three-year nature of the pre-release program.

So God was in this place tonight, it was all working together in ways I had not anticipated. At the end of our discussion we had three men come down to the front row to allow all of us to put our hands on them and take them to the lord in prayer. It is not a mandatory thing that everyone participate, but to the man every one there, each with his hands on the shoulders in front of him, bowed together in common purpose and petitioned God on behalf of their brothers hurting and in need. Several prayed  and God blessed.

After the prayer several men cam to me, one was the young man in the opening portion of this blog. ” James” I had seen James come in. He was a new face to me, he had prison and gang tats on his face and neck. He looked maybe twenty. Some of the tats symbolize some bad stuff. So here we are in the conversation that started this blog, and one of the older guys come up at this pont and put his arm over this young mans shoulder and comforted him. James smiled, The two of them have already formed a bond where James is being mentored by the older man. He and I have spoken several times before, He is actively reaching out to some of the new young men, helping them acclimate to the system and culture there, and sharing Christ with them and how He can help them through this.

Both of these men asked me if they could come to our church when they get out, fellowship with us and begin to be a part of this ministry…..God is good all the time.

The holidays have been really busy and wonderful. I pray all of you have had a wonderful time, of celebrating the coming of Christ and all that this event has ment to all of us, as well as some real family time that builds memories and builds value into the lives of your loved ones.

I am a little late with this post because of the busyness, so please forgive me. I trust this will be a blessing to someone who needs what God has provided here, and you will be uplifted and encouraged to be who God has called you to be.

“Dwayne Allen wasn’t a bad kid, just one drifting in the wrong direction. In practical terms, he had no father. Allen had spent his middle school years in alternative school in Fayetteville, N.C. There were no sports, only brushes with authority and occasional suspensions.

So it was reasonable for Allen to be wary when Terry Sanford High School’s first-year football coach, Wayne Inman, cut him off in the hallway one day early in Allen’s freshman year.

Inman asked Allen’s name. He asked if Allen played football. Told no, Inman excused himself for a moment and returned with a $10 bill. He stuffed it in Allen’s hand.

“Buy yourself a bag of dope,” Inman told Allen, “or spend it on a physical and come on out for football.”

Allen quit drifting that day.

“Changed my life,” the rookie tight end said Friday in the Indianapolis Colts locker room. “Changed my life.” “

This quote appeared in a story this week about the Colt’s rookie tight end Dwayne Allen . What a great example of how one man can step into the life of another  and completely change the outcome of his life.

This is exactly the point we are trying to make with this blog, exactly the kind of transformational behaviour we are hoping to instill into the men who read this blog, and want to make a difference, especially Christian men trying to figure out what the man God has called them to be looks like.

Mentor leadership is not about being perfect, none of us are. It is about investing ourselves into the lives of those men around us to do everything we can to help them become better at being men. From a Christian viewpoint….more like Christ.

Mr. Allen’s life could easily have ended like many from his background, young men with no father at home, or a father that is lost in his own world of addiction or self-destructive behaviours that were passed to him, in most cases by his father. He could have gotten caught up in drugs, gang activity, that can sometimes substitute, in a negative way, for missing leadership from a missing  father. He could have missed out on such an incredible opportunity as an NFL player, and he could have continued the vicious circle of absent T father and helped to  create a whole new generation of young men to do it all over again.

One man’s actions, not asked for, not sought out by Mr. Allen, by simply stepping onto this young mans life,  yet so very powerful, anyone of us could do easily. We just need to look around to see the need. Look within your family, look in your neighborhood, look around at Church, just because a young man is a christian does not guarantee things will all turn out alright. I recently took a poll at the prison where I have the privilege to preach and teach and out of a group of 40 inmates nearly all were professing Christians, some of them were Christians who grew up in Church and still find themselves waking up each morning behind bars…

Men of God awake!!!

I understand the grind. I had a family of 6 to provide for and the only way I knew how to do that was to work a lot of overtime, 60 and 70 hrs. a week of overtime. That can be very hard on the family, especially if your relationship with God is not what it should be. It requires teamwork with your spouse and doing things when you are very tired and burned out. I have been there. It was not fun, and without God’s help, that is, looking to and leaning on God’s help, success can be allusive.

The fact is you can not do it alone. You need other men of moral character in you life, men of all ages and experience that can be a resource to help guid and advise when you are lost in the day-to-day grind.

Early on in our country it was not uncommon for two, tree,  or more generations to live in the same house or on the same property ( no I am not quite that old ) giving the men of the family, other men of varying age and experiences to help each man develop into the man he would become.

Today families are spread all over the country, if you are lucky there is a father-son relationship that will help the young man develop and build character into his life. Personally I have two brothers, one in South Carolina, one in Indiana. they each have a son and now their sons are starting families as well. We seldom see each other, and the boys have lives of their own as well so we see each other even less. I have followed news of them through the years but there are very large gaps from their youth, years that would go by without interaction. The evidence says, that for many of us, the key is being intentional about keeping in touch with the men of our families. We have to make a little time to send a word of encouragement, or to challenge them when they need to do better. It’s all about priority and taking control of our time, and challenging our own character to be the man God has called us to be.

Recently my Uncle Willie passed away. Again there was a long distance between us. We would take a family vacation almost every year, travel to Ohio and visit family there. My mother had many brothers most of which lived in the same area, but only one sister. Uncle Willie was her husband.

When we found out Willie had an aggressive cancer and only had about 6 mos. to live, it was tough. We all love him. “He is our rock ” was a phrase I heard many times as the family shared their grief over the inevitable. Next to my own father Uncle Willie was the other dominate male influence in my life. All of my uncles are unique and have added to my character, but Uncle Willie was special. Maybe because we spent more time there because of the relationship between sisters. ( Mom and Aunt Hellen ) maybe it was my cousin Richard, Willies son and about my age, but my heart tells me it was the stature and character of my Uncle Willie that made such an impression on me. I could go on and on about the man he was, a christian, a loving husband, a big man cut and strong, yet his favorite pastime as I remember was gardening and working with plants and flowers. He would spend one on one time with my brother and I each time we were there. He did the same with my sons, and I would be willing to bet with all the young men in his circle of influence. God had put Aunt Helen and Uncle Willie on my heart not two weeks before the news of the cancer, and I had gone for the weekend so see them. Among my last memories of Him are the two of us sitting in his Sunday School class sharing about the Lord.  He set an example for me to see just what a Godly man looks like. That image did not pass with him but in some ways has found itself in me, in Richard who has stepped up and taken on his fathers responsibilities in the family.

That is the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. one that lives on in the men my life has touched. One that carries the gospel forward into the next generation and reproduces itself in the next generation and on, until the Lord returns. One that teaches men how to get back up and finish their race even if they have fallen and are far behind the others.

So how can you take back your time and begin to structure an intentional, balanced effort to reach out to the ones God has already put on your heart?

Is it worth the effort?

When will you begin?

This is a New Year, a time for retrospect, self-examination, new and renewed commitment.

What will you do now, to embody the MAN God has called you to be???

Recently I involved myself in the prison ministry of our Church. I have worked in this area of ministry before and I felt God’s leading, back into this ministry. I feel God’s call on my life to work with, mentor and lead men, not as one who has done it all correctly, but as one who has made many horrendous mistakes. God has taught me lessons through my sin and poor choices. The Scripture says:

Romans 8:28; And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Truly God has taken what Satan intended for evil and has turned it into a force for good. I have perceptions and incite into thought processes and know the signs of coming pitfalls because the hurt, guilt and shame of falling into these choices and behaviours have burned them into my mind. Surrendered to God these weaknesses become sources for God to manifest His power in my life.

II Corinthians 12:9; But He said to me, ” My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So here I am leading worship in prison each Sunday and a Bible study each Tuesday night. This Tuesday was our first Bible study, so we were getting acquainted. I shared some of the things God has done in my life and even though I have never been arrested for breaking the law of the land, I am just as guilty before God because if we have broken just one of the laws of God ( and we all have ) then we are guilty of the entire law according to Scripture. So we are all the same as far as God is concerned. The only difference between me and the men inside is that there is a social penalty for the laws they violated. We can devastate a life with harsh words, abuse our spouse verbally, and destroy ou children and families with poor choices and bad behaviour and never spend a minuet in jail. We can fail to be the kind of men we should be as christians before the world, fail to show the love of Christ to our brothers, cheat on our wives, live a lie, and destroy everyone we touch and not break the law of man. You get the picture. We are held to a higher standard, not because we are better but because we are His.

So, Tuesday night, I am asking questions of them and answering their questions. I am trying to get a feel for the type of group we have and how to best lead them in study. I asked their permission to find out how many of them profess to be christians and with their approval asked. Almost every hand went up, professing Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

The response took me a little by surprise. I thought there would be some among them who were Christian but among 40 men in prison, I did not expect nearly everyone. Granted there could be some who felt some pressure to respond because of the environment or the dynamics at work socially there. Some my hold a different definition of the terms used to describe the salvation experience, Even so this is something worth looking at. How many of these men were christians before coming to prison? If even half of this group were christians before prison, what does that say about the Church and how we lead, mentor  and relate to each other as men of God? Somewhere somehow we are missing it.

I understand and believe we are all individually accountable for our action. We are responsible for the choices we make and for our own salvation and spiritual developement. If we choose to isolate ourselves, avoid God’s people, take no intentional action to grow in the Lord etc. bad things will happen. But I also believe we as christian men who do seek God’s presence in our lives and are surrendered to Him, have a responsibility to be vigilent and sensitive to those men in our circles of influence, especially brothers in Christ, to step into their lives and speak truth to them when we see signs of falling away, depression or anything that might indicate the need for mentor leadership. After all the number one evidence of a good mentor leader is that we make everyone around us better.

It is time for a change. This is not new or original with me. Our Men’s group leader at Church has been teaching on this subject for several months and it is changing the men’s culture in our Church. Men have been stepping up to take leadership roles in various ministries of the Church. We have allowed ourselves to draw closer to one another and given permission to allow our brothers to speak into our lives to question and encourage one another. More than an accountability partner, more than another small group. All of these things are good but we are after more. We want to develop a culture, hopefully that will spread beyond our Church, where we mentor, lead one another throughout our circles of influence that becomes perpetual and self developing to include the next generation of men as well.

I want to challenge every man who reads this to consider starting a conversation about this in your own Church or work place, family members and see how we can help each other be better men.

Some great resources for learning more about how to develop this kind of environment  would be  the Bible of course but along with that Toney Dungy’s Book The Mentor Leader,  also  there are books by John Eldridge that will get you off to a great start. Remember it all starts with a conversation, Wouldn’t it be great if we could reach these inmates before they become inmates, to provide encouragement and leadership from other men who love them like Jesus…..Just a thought.

It seems that this time of year brings out the best and the worst in us. You have stories like the tragedy that occurred in CT this week. Someone obviously in pain, striking out in a horrible way to share that pain. May I say here that my prayers and the prayers of my family go out for all of those effected by this horrific tragedy.

This story begs the question What if?  What if there had been someone in the life of the person who committed these terrible acts. Someone with influence that could have served as mentor to speak truth into his life and provide leadership and bestow moral character through a relationship of influence.

Apparently the shooter was from a broken home, described as a nice kid. His parents had divorced about three years prior and his father had recently re-married.

I do not know the family and I am certainly not making any accusations or judgements here. Adam reportedly killed his mother before going on this killing spree and this family is suffering along with the families of those killed at the school.

What I am saying is that there is a crisis level of absent-T fathers in this country, due to many factors, and it obviously is taking a toll on our children.

I have been involved in several different prisons, and currently working with two institutions in Indiana. In almost every case there has been a lack of participation by the father in the lives of these men. Wrong is wrong, and having a tough upbringing is no excuse for wrong choices or bad behaviour, but the evidence is telling. Men need to be mentored by men. I learned recently through the men’s group leader at our church, that manhood is bestowed upon young men.

In primitive cultures there is a community of men that provide a right of passage to the younger men at a designated time in their lives, transitioning them from boyhood to manhood. Along with this privilege of transition comes membership in the community of men, bringing responsibility and accountability to the mew member.

So what is the point here?? We are probably not going to revert to a tribal culture in this country, although an argument could be made that gangs provide the same right of passage and sense of community and family.Is it coincidental that these gangs are formed primarily of the segment of society where dad’s are predominately missing.

We as men have an incredible opportunity in front of us that can make a huge impact in reducing prison population, crime, disasters like that in CT, countless situations triggered by the lack of mentor leadership in the lives of the young men in our circles of influence.

Would you pray with me about becoming involved in the life of a young man you know? Would you be willing to step out of your comfort zone a little and trust God to lead you in bringing life changing leadership into the life of some young man? All of the statistics support the idea that if we all act, become mentor leaders in our community of men, It can change our entire society.

So how about it? Look around you, there are opportunities everywhere…and may God bless you as you serve.

P.S. For those of you looking for opportunities to serve…check out the website “thementoringproject.org “. They are working on partnering Churches and Big Brothers, Big Sisters, to connect you with kids that need a mentor.

Here is a quote from an article by sports writer Bob Kravitz in the Indianapolis Star after the Colts-Lyons game.

” And here’s the thing that made it even sweeter, a thing you may have missed while watching on TV: On a Don Carey interception with 6:40 to play, Ndamukong Suh laid out Colts right tackle Winston Justice, who left the game with a concussion. Worse, Suh and his teammates stood over Justice and laughed and danced.

After the game, the Colts tough-minded right guard, Mike McGlynn, was still spitting mad. In fact, he didn’t run into the end zone to celebrate. He was too busy jawing with Suh and some other Lions.

“Totally ignorant on their part,” McGlynn said. “Just childish stuff. We’re all battling out there; I don’t know if the hit was legal or not, but clearly he was hurt, and they’re out there dancing and pointing at him and laughing. Just blatant disrespect. They’re good players but there’s no room for that. It’s disgusting, really.

“If that had happened to one of their players, we’d never do something like that. But that’s what makes this even sweeter. That’s why they lose. I hope they never win another game.”

This is a team with an edge, a sense of belief, a sense of purpose. “We’re going to fight the way our coach is fighting,” Arians said.

A great story just keeps getting better. “

So, whats wrong with this picture? Did the Lyons players do anything wrong? Was the Colt player’s response  correct?

I have to tell you that the Colt Fan in me wishes McGlynn would have knocked SUH’s block off.

I think most of us, have a built-in sense of fair play. The Lord says on many occasions about our relationship with him that we should …” seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with our God “.  So there is a part of us that sides with McGlynn in seeing these prideful, disrespectful actions as wrong and calling for justice. However we can be 100% correct in our opinion about a wrong and still be 100% incorrect in how we respond to it.

As husbands and fathers we often find ourselves in a position to exercise mentor leadership with our spouse or children, even other husband, fathers. How we respond to injustice will affect all of these relationships either in a positive way or a negative way. If you look at the reference from the Bible previously quoted, the phrase mercy and humility are tied to how we respond to injustice. That puts our response into a specific perspective, like that of Jesus Christ. Unjust acts solicit angry aggressive behaviour from us. A reaction I believe God put in us to motivate us toward addressing injustice. But at the same time tempering those actions with love, mercy and humility. Because as Christians we want our response to point people to the love and forgiveness of Christ.

This includes times when we are being judged or treated unfairly by our spouse or family member. Taking the time to prayerfully respond in these situations is crucial to building trust and intimacy with them. What could be a show of uncontrolled anger and aggression is instead an opportunity to mentor them, encouraging their spiritual growth and character developement. They have the opportunity to become better people because we prayerfully respond rather than emotionally react in the moment. That is what mentor leadership is all about, making those around you better by showing them a better way to respond in bad situations by being better ourselves. Jesus said to love your neighbor is easy try loving your enemy, that is hard ( paraphrased ). It is in those moments, when we would be justified to go into an angry rage against the one who has done the unjust thing, that we have the greatest opportunity to teach  and bestow mercy, forgiveness and grace not only to the one who is deserving of our anger, but to all of those who see it or even hear of it.

Mentoring while being mentored, what might that look like?

” As we’ve seen what differentiates the mentor leader from other types of leaders is focus. Mentor leaders realize that leadership is not about them. Instead, they look beyond themselves, focusing on the people they lead and where they should be going together. Over time, the result is that the people they lead are better able to handle all situations, even stressful ones, and the organization, team, business, church, or family is better as well. ”   Tony Dungy  THE MENTOR LEADER.

I currently have mentors in my life…Tony Dungy, we have never met, but Tony is most definitely having an impact in my life through his devotional guide as well as his other books. My Pastor is my mentor in teaching and by his example. Pastor Daman, Pastor Augustine, Men’s group leader Bob Taylor, Broken Chains leader Ben Keebler, all of the men in our men’s group,some of the men I work with, My boss and co. owner by his example and humility. Family members, etc. All have encouraged me, built me up, strengthened me, shown me honorable and moral ways of handling certain situations. I am being mentored while being intentional and focused on mentoring the men around me.. It really is a team mentality. Having one or two leaders among the group is great, having 100% of the group participating in making the guy next to them better, helping them hone their skills and gifts, is even better and more comprehensive.

Some of you would like to live lives that lead but think you lack the ability or are fearful of failing or somehow causing harm. Let me encourage you by saying that each of us is unique and individual in how our skills and gifts combine to make us who we are. It is my belief that God has made each of us with unique attributes to contribute to those around us. There are certain situations and circumstances you are most gifted to respond to and provide mentoring leadership. You will know when, where, and how, just be willing to act.

You know the difference between selfish, self-centered leadership and leading with the focus and intent to make everyone around you better, that is to help them along  in becoming the best they can be at what they do or contribute to the group. It comes from a place of humility, understanding that helping those around you achieve, may take the spotlight away from your own achievement and success as society views it. In fact you expect that it will do just that, and that is ok because the focus is not about you but those lives you impact and contribute to.

I have to tell you that my past is full of failure in this area, especially with my family. Looking back it was like a perfect storm. The ignorance and self centeredness of youth. The lack of mentor leaders I allowed close to me then. The volatile circumstances that occurred. Poor judgement, bad choices, focus on myself, not being thoughtful and intentional in responding to negative events within my marriage, misperceptions about myself and my part in all of this. Everything spiraled out of control, going from a place of incredible blessing and success to anger, bad choices and the destruction of my family.

Like some of you do now, I carried around a huge load of guilt, rightly deserved by the way, and became nothing. Nothing was vital to me anymore, no passion for anything. My oldest son took his own life and I took all of the blame upon myself. I was his father, I am his father, I have responsibility there.

There were so many lives I damaged, so much harm done to people I loved the most and it seemed to be totally out of my control. This says nothing about the peripheral damage from lack of leadership to all of those lives I touched during those years when I was drifting. Lives that I might have influenced and encouraged instead of being depressed and self-absorbed. I needed some sort of intervention and in my experience I have to say only God could provide what I needed. Thankfully He did. I was able to give Him my guilt. The guilt that I created and deserved, He took upon His own shoulders and set me free to live again.

So what about it? Where are you in this picture? What kind of inward looking system do you have in place to keep you honest with yourself and focused on others and their developement, even if it means you get none of the credit for their accomplishments. What does your humility standard look like? How can you get out from under the guilt that you know is keeping you down? How can you get back the sence that you are not out of control, just riding the wind where ever it takes you? Who do you allow close enough to speak the truth into your life, to hold you accountable and guide you to face yourself and your responsibilities? These are things for us to consider and discuss. We each have a story and have found some of the answers that together make us all better as we build a culture of men that lead, empower and encourage now and for the next group of young men perpetually.

We are all intended to lead. As men, fathers, brothers,husbands.

You can lead from a position of authority, but the most effective leaders lead as they build relationships of influence…Tony Dungy THE MENTOR LEADER.

I mentioned in the previous post that it is important not to allow things that have historically divided us such as race, religion, even politics,  bring divisiveness to the conversation. So I want all of you to feel comfortable speaking from where you are in sharing your story and thoughts. We are each at different places in our lives, spiritually, maturity, experiences. However each of us has something positive and constructive to bring to the conversation.

You will find that I have chosen www.menlikedavid.wordpress.com as the name of my site. The reason for that is two-fold. First the David of the Bible is such a great example. He was not perfect. He committed adultery, murder to get what he wanted and yet the Bible quotes God as saying David was a man after his own heart. Then there is my son David, named after the David of the Bible. My David  was what the doctors called mildly mentally handicapped, although I can tell you with absolute certainty that he was much smarter than I about getting along on the street.

One day he and I were coming home from work (he was my helper for a while). I looked over next to me on my left and saw a car driving along side of my door. The driver was focused past me and on David to my right. He was flipping his hands around with fingers poking in odd directions like it was some kind of sign language. I didn’t get it for a second, but when I looked at David he was signing back at this guy and the guy didn’t appear to appreciate it very much. I could see that things were beginning to escalate, so I skewed my face all up, stuck my tongue out the side of my mouth and put one hand in front of me and simulated a similar string of signs to the guy. He looked at me like I was crazy and sped off never to be seen again.

My point here is that neither of these David’s were perfect, nor am I, and  I am also pretty sure that most of you would be the first to say that you are not perfect either. That does not mean we can not reach for perfection or set higher standards, to exceed the expectations of others or even ourselves to achieve great things and influence lives for the better. So let’s work together with the understanding that there is more that we can do than what we are first able to see. Some of us would call that faith.

I will speak from a position of faith. I have no agenda to convince you to accept my belief system in this blog. At the same time I have been a christian for about 50 years, so it is impossible to share life experiences and suggest ideas that are free of any impact of what God has done in my life. I am not ashamed of my beliefs, I just want to be fair in presenting the ideas in this blog, so that those who are not of my faith or belief system may feel free to express themselves, without being judged or disrespected.

So I have been looking at some of my relationships over this holiday weekend and the opportunities within those relationships to mentor and lead those I have interacted with. I have had opportunities with my granddaughters, my Service manager at work, my wife, friends on facebook and assorted strangers with whom I have interacted in the last two days. Some of these I have a perception of success, some not so much.

The best might be my interaction with my service manager at work…we were to have Thursday –Monday off. My service manager called me Thursday evening to ask if I would work Friday morning with him to take care of a good customer of ours who had no water. I could have refused with no consequence. But he would have had to work alone and longer, or possibly lost a good customer in a somewhat competitive business. I discussed this with Nelene because it would impact our time together as a family and with her blessing helped George get the job done in 1/2 the time and we both got back to our families in time to share most of the day.

There were a lot of places this could have unraveled and fallen apart. Most of you have been in similar situations and know what I am talking about. It helps to have a wife that supports you and your attempt to lead and encourage the men in your life. Had she been unwilling to share our time with work, I would have stayed home, but her willingness to give up a couple of hours here allowed us to be a blessing to an entire family. The place where I failed in my perception was later in the day in passing conversation. I made a comment to Nelene about housework that was said jokingly but hurt her just the same. I saw it in her face, went to her right away and apologised for what I said and for hurting her feelings.That cleared the air right away and we have enjoyed our time with the girls so far this weekend but it has caused me to look hard at some things.

How often do I say hurtful things without catching them? How can I prevent those things from happening? How did those words come out of my mouth without realizing the potential for harm?  You see I believe that because I love her, everything I do and say should build her up and encourage her. It always has to be about her. Sometimes conversations have to take place that are difficult, somethings things might need to be said so as not to enable, but always in love and with the objective to encourage and build up.  I Corinthians 8:1.”….knowledge puffs up but love builds up…”

Let me encourage you to be consistent and intentional about looking at how you interact with those around you. Everything we do and say has an impact either negative or positive. Do we miss opportunities to build up those around us. Do we take advantage or neglect those relationships closest to us with the people we say we love the most?

Something to think about…

I am an average guy, living an average life, struggling with the same everyday battles that most of you struggle with. I want to be a ” good man “, a ” real man ” a diference maker,successful,a strong leader, a faithful husband and father,a good friend , mentor, man of character and courage. Any of you have those same desires. It seems we have in this country a huge void when it comes to bestowing manhood upon our young men. No real right of passage to significantly usher in our transfer from boyhood to manhood. no real accountability in place to encourage and strengthen each other as men to reach for a standard of moral and strong character. We simply do what we want and with few exceptions do not press for better from ourselves or the men in our community. How sad.

This blog is to attempt to begin that conversation. How can we as men change the status of expectation for men in our society to build a culture of manhood that promotes a standard of moral character and high levels of conduct among us, as well as support and mentor those failing or even refusing to reach for those standards?

I am just a simple average man. I work with my hands for a living, repairing and installing water delivery systems. I have no magic wand to wave and make things better, I have no magic formula to enable your success at building character into your lives or the lives of others. I can only begin to talk about it, what has worked for me, how I have so very often failed and how that got better. you have a story as well, full of success and failures. Together maybe we can begin something that can grow beyond a blog into something powerful and effective in establidhing, promoting and protecting the culture of men in our comunity that makes us all better men. What do you think?

I can without any assistance come up with 100’s of reasons why this can not and will not work. Time spent on the negetive aspects to me, is a wast of breath, it changes nothing. Can we step beyond what we percive as hard or impossible to accomplish something great? That is the real question. Can we move beyond what separates us as men? All of it from color to religion to selfishness, pride, fear, whatever it may be and reconcile those things, relegate those things to something less important than our community of men?

Think about it….

Gary