I was 19, attending College 525 miles from Home in Springfield Mo.  I had heard a few rumors that there was division among the people of my Church back home in Indiana. I didn’t know to what degree, or what it was about. Semester break was coming up, and, as was customary for Bible College students while home for a visit, my pastor asked me to preach the first Wednesday Night Service at our Church. I agreed, and began praying about the message God would have me share with the Church.

Six years earlier, I had preached my first sermon, after surrendering to preach while attending youth camp. My pastor told me  ” If God has called you to preach, then we need to get you some opportunities to preach.” and so he helped me put together an outline, find a subject to speak about, and arranged for me to bring the message for our Wednesday night service. The sermon was on The Re-gathering of The Nation of Israel. I was pretty nervous, I don’t remember too much. I took them to the Bible, read the text, shared the three points of my outline. But what had taken me 30 minutes in practice preaching, took about five minutes. I was still too nervous to realize how short the message was ( I was thirteen years old) What I do remember is my Pastor getting up, leading the congregation in a song and dismissing the service with prayer. Some people came up to me after, sort of giggling, and told me I should preach more often….I didnt fully understand why that was funny untill later. I loved my Pastor. I didn’t have any understanding of what a mentor was then, but looking back I can tell you, he was a mentor leader who served those he led with love and selflessness.

So now I am headed home to speak to my home congregation who are fighting over something. If any of you know Baptists, it seems they are always fighting over something. I have seen pride in the way some Baptists express their seemingly constant need to fight. They joke about it . But I can tell you from personal experience there is absolutely nothing funny about it. The appropriate emotion you should be feeling when you create strife and division within the Church is SHAME. Shame on you, for the damage your pride causes in all the lives around you. Young men who look up to you, damaged because your pride has you so preoccupied with proving you are right that you do not see the damage you have caused.

I have spoken of my love and respect for my Pastor. My youth Pastor had been a part of my life all four years of High School. I credit him and the leadership he had among our youth group, for helping keep my life on track, while most of the kids in school were experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex. I was not perfect, there were battles, but by God’s grace, managed not to get caught up in all of that. I loved my youth pastor.

Can you see how these men effected the lives around them? My pastor stepped into my life to build me up and encourage God’s calling on my life. He affirmed and solidified that call for me. He protected and  held me accountable for my commitment, by educating, equipping and encouraging me. Not just to preach, but to honor God’s call on my life and be willing to work and prepare for the task I was called to. My youth pastor spoke truth into our lives and educated, empowered, and encouraged us, not to be followers, but to be leaders. To stand for what we believe, if we truly believe it, and not compromise those beliefs.

This is what I call: THE RIPPLE EFFECT. My Pastor dropping a pebble into my life had a huge impact on me, but not only me, it spread through me to all of the men I associated with in College, effecting how their ministries would turn out and to all those lives touched by them.. It effected my professors and all the students taught by them. It effected my ministry style and content. It spread through those I led to Christ and taught, those Christians I preached to, and educated,empowered and encouraged, and through them……those ripples continue to flow through me today and all the lives I am touching now. It is the power of God,manifesting itself perpetually as each ripple interacts with each life it touches.

My Youth Pastor dropped a pebble into my life that effected my brothers at home. Encouraged my stand against compromise, and because of the truth spoken into my life confronted those around me with the question, why? Why doesn’t he do what everyone else is doing? Is it wrong? Should I be doing it if it is wrong? How can he stand against the majority opinion? Who is right about this? I do not know what effect I may have had on my peers, but God does.

We all have people who watch us, even if they won’t admit it to themselves. The pebbles we drop into the lives of all the lives we touch has an incredible amount of energy. It comes from the Holy Spirit of God and has the power to change a life forever.

What are you tossing into the lives of the men around you. How are you educating, empowering and encouraging them? Your wife? Your Children? The men and people you work with………think about it? Will you allow me to challenge you to take five minuets this week and look for your ripples…..?

Next week I will share more of the story of coming home to preach.

” If you do it right as a mentor leader you may make it all but impossible for other people to give you credit.” Tony Dungy…THE MENTOR LEADER.

In our society, it is results that count. What have you done for me lately. I remember while I worked as an IAR with Metlife, each day, each week, having goals to meet. There was a system that, if followed would bring you the desired number of qualified appointments. With the goal of appointments met, it was only a matter of closing business and your sales goals would be met. Not closing a minimum number of sales was unacceptable and you could lose your position with the company.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I had great support from the management team, who led us in implementing the tools necessary to set and close business. They worked at helping us improve in all facets of the sale. I felt they had a genuine interest in my individual success. That being said, it was a business, and failing to meet goals over time would result in termination.The sales manager was judged based on the production of his team, the branch manager was judged and rewarded based on branch production.

This philosophy is true throughout our society. Even as a Pastor years ago, my success as a pastor was determined to some degree, among my peers, by the number of professions of faith recorded and baptisms that followed.

The philosophy of mentor leadership is focused on the growth and improvement of the members of your team. As you help them grow and develop skills that make them better team members, they become better at helping the team reach their goals. They help their teammates do better also. You may have a team member that truly excels with in the team. His or Her skills sparked, developed, and guided by you, but all that is visible to those watching is the great job they are doing, what skills they exhibit and results that come from their efforts. The fact is you anticipate that, expect that and welcome that, because it is not about you.

As a ministry leader, developing those with whom you serve. As a Pastor, the activity of the congregation, as a parent, the growth and development of your spouse and children. The people in your connection groups, those you work with, the young men in your neighborhood, you family members, all of which fall in your circles of influence become better men just from having been around you. You will never get the credit for their growth and success and it doesn’t matter to you because it is not about you, it is about Him.

Seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God….Micah 6:8

I thought this an interesting perspective ……

I had already begun the blog for this week, when God heavily burdened me to share this story with you. I believe there is someone out there that needs this right now….so per God’s leading this is for you.
This is a story about a beautiful young lady whom I know. I will not share her name with you, because I do not want in any way for this to somehow be used to hurt her.
I will call her Mary…Mary was about 13 years old. She came from a christian home and had siblings, of which she was the oldest. They went to Church together, played together, served in some of the ministries together as a family. Anyone looking in from the outside would observe a loving, caring, family unit. You might say they could be seen as the ” perfect family ” as perfection goes among people.
What no one knew was for the last six or seven years, the father had been sexually molesting his own daughter. It came out during a conversation Mary was having with her mother. Faced with such a horrendous accusation, there was a lot of questioning and assuring of the facts here. Once mom was convinced of the truth of the accusations ( within a short time of an hr. not days ) she called a friend at the Church with whom she worked to get counseling on how to handle this. They came to the conclusion to speak to the father and give him the opportunity to turn himself in. If he failed to do the right thing, the police would be called. The father did turn himself into the police. He is subsequently in prison serving his sentence.
There was absolute chaos within the family for a while. Mary was terribly torn between the love she still felt for her father and the other emotions that overwhelmed her, shame guilt,anger, disappointment, etc. The siblings were dealing with anger at their sister for having turned in their father, so that he was sent to jail and away from them, anger at the father for what he did to their sister.
All the while the Mother was reeling from this deception and betrayal, while trying to be strong and an example to her children, of how to give these things to the Lord and put their trust in Him.
Statistics show that most sexually abused persons, girls and boys, begin to act out. They rebel against everything, turning to  drugs, drinking, sexual promiscuity,etc. Self-destructive behaviour that can often lead even to suicide.
There were a lot of people who came along side this family to love on them and support them. Mom got christian counseling for the family and special counseling for Mary and all of this helped them. There were outbursts of anger and running for a while. But the one thing that stands out in all of this was how the women surrounding Mary began to come along side of her. They re-affirmed her innocence and beauty. They were there just to listen. They were all encouraging her and supporting her, giving her the assurance that as women she was accepted among them and dearly loved. I personally believe this mentoring by the women she loved and trusted was the single most impactful thing that helped her move past what could have been permanent damage and unrelenting pain, to a place where she knows God’s peace, and that even though it still hurts it will be ok.
As men we do not often have this kind of support system in place, even within the Church.
I went to see the father in jail. He and I had just begun to form a friendship before this came out. I didn’t know what to say to him. I can not imagine …
I hear stories of this nature, of men abusing children. The gutt reaction is to take them out and hang them, and indeed that may be just what they deserve. But then there is God’s grace….the fact is none of us deserves God’s love or forgiveness, outside of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The true test of christian character is not so much how we deal with the ordinary storms of life but how we act in the horrific and tragic.
I visited him in jail, he had already been beaten up several times, and God only knows what else had been done to him. I have done ministry in prison and jails for some time, and this type of crime does not go un noticed by the inmates. I told him that I didn’t understand how he could do such a thing, but that what ever happened from here on , he didn’t have to go through it alone, that as terrible as this is, God still loved him and would forgive him, and he could find peace with Him.
I saw a few pictures of Mary the other day. She has found that beauty, and look of peace and innocence again. She looks happy and is active in her church among those women who love her and whom she knows will always be there for her.
Would to God that we could develop such a culture among us as men. Maybe we could tear down these social images promoting sexual behaviour that permeate us as men, perverting that which God intended to be beautiful and pure, and begin to mentor and lead our next generation to be the men God intended us all to be.

So I looked him in the eye, put my right hand in his right hand and asked him “you ok?” He looked down and away, “yeh”, was his reply, I put my left  hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed his hand and asked “are you sure, anything you want to give up ,pray about, talk about?” “I could tell you were carrying a burden when you came in.” He looked me in the eye, eyes getting red, fighting back tears, ” I’m ok”.

This Tuesday night I was in one of the facilities where we do prison ministry and This young man, I will call him James, was a new face.

The evening started off different. one of the inmates, also a new face was already in the chapel, standing near the back praying. I could only hear a portion of his side of the conversation, but he was in an intimate discussion with the Lord. Something special was about to happen here, you could feel the energy, quiet and powerful.

God had led me to give a few of the men some time to share their favorite verse, and why it was special. I didn’t expect the results this little thing would bring. That it would permeate the entire meeting and begin bonding these men together as a team of believers, with common experience, goals and desires.

There were at least 40 men here, three had the opportunity to share. The first young man shared from John chapter 8, but the common theme among all three was, even though the scripture each of them shared was spoken to, you could see it had sparked something inside each of these men, that they needed to share with their brothers.

So the first young man was sharing a passage that led to an answer to a situation he was wrestling with, that culminated with him being able to establish a relationship with his daughter, pretty much for the first time. This resonated throughout the group, many of which also have young children, God was touching hearts.

The second man up was an older man, larger guy, harder looking. You could see he had experienced some life, not all good. When he spoke, he immediately put everyone at ease. He shared a simple truth easy to understand,and spoke for about eight minuets about how faith in Christ changed his life, and the old things that he use to live for and was all about, didn’t mean anything anymore, only God and this book that he had decided was worth putting his faith in. Great teaching and testimony for his brothers.

The last man to speak, talked about prayer. (he was the one praying when I came in) He shared how he had seen one of the other young guys in the middle of some stuff,  and how he was reacting, and he immediately went to the Lord in prayer on this young man’s behalf (It  just so happens the young man whom he was praying for was a friend of my son, twenty something years ago. which is another story in itself.) and he was saying , this man needed his prayer today but that he may be the one in need of prayer tomorrow. That they ( all the men in this group) were all his brothers in Christ, didn’t matter age, color, they were all his brothers and he would always treat them as brothers no matter if they were in chapel, or outside among whatever group, white, black, no matter what.

All of these men were open and clear about what God had put on their hearts, they were a blessing to me and you could see they were a blessing to the others in the room.

What I had not foreseen was how they would perfectly demonstrate exactly what we had decided Tuesday night would be about, not only understanding the Bible , what it says about salvation, how we should live. But also about mentor leadership, how we help those around us become better men and better followers of Christ.

This was only our second meeting, and they were opening their lives to each other, speaking truth into the lives of their “brothers”, sharing their stories that would to bind them together as a community within this community of men.  My plan for the last 15 min. of the meeting was to talk with them about building exactly this kind of culture into their group. to work out a vision for themselves and  their purpose for being there, to get their hearts right, but also to invest themselves in those around them, share and give and love the men around them and build a self-sufficient, that is they would not have to have someone from the outside to lead them. Sustainable, that is the current group of mentors preparing the next group of mentors to do the same with the next and so on, due to the two to three-year nature of the pre-release program.

So God was in this place tonight, it was all working together in ways I had not anticipated. At the end of our discussion we had three men come down to the front row to allow all of us to put our hands on them and take them to the lord in prayer. It is not a mandatory thing that everyone participate, but to the man every one there, each with his hands on the shoulders in front of him, bowed together in common purpose and petitioned God on behalf of their brothers hurting and in need. Several prayed  and God blessed.

After the prayer several men cam to me, one was the young man in the opening portion of this blog. ” James” I had seen James come in. He was a new face to me, he had prison and gang tats on his face and neck. He looked maybe twenty. Some of the tats symbolize some bad stuff. So here we are in the conversation that started this blog, and one of the older guys come up at this pont and put his arm over this young mans shoulder and comforted him. James smiled, The two of them have already formed a bond where James is being mentored by the older man. He and I have spoken several times before, He is actively reaching out to some of the new young men, helping them acclimate to the system and culture there, and sharing Christ with them and how He can help them through this.

Both of these men asked me if they could come to our church when they get out, fellowship with us and begin to be a part of this ministry…..God is good all the time.

The holidays have been really busy and wonderful. I pray all of you have had a wonderful time, of celebrating the coming of Christ and all that this event has ment to all of us, as well as some real family time that builds memories and builds value into the lives of your loved ones.

I am a little late with this post because of the busyness, so please forgive me. I trust this will be a blessing to someone who needs what God has provided here, and you will be uplifted and encouraged to be who God has called you to be.

“Dwayne Allen wasn’t a bad kid, just one drifting in the wrong direction. In practical terms, he had no father. Allen had spent his middle school years in alternative school in Fayetteville, N.C. There were no sports, only brushes with authority and occasional suspensions.

So it was reasonable for Allen to be wary when Terry Sanford High School’s first-year football coach, Wayne Inman, cut him off in the hallway one day early in Allen’s freshman year.

Inman asked Allen’s name. He asked if Allen played football. Told no, Inman excused himself for a moment and returned with a $10 bill. He stuffed it in Allen’s hand.

“Buy yourself a bag of dope,” Inman told Allen, “or spend it on a physical and come on out for football.”

Allen quit drifting that day.

“Changed my life,” the rookie tight end said Friday in the Indianapolis Colts locker room. “Changed my life.” “

This quote appeared in a story this week about the Colt’s rookie tight end Dwayne Allen . What a great example of how one man can step into the life of another  and completely change the outcome of his life.

This is exactly the point we are trying to make with this blog, exactly the kind of transformational behaviour we are hoping to instill into the men who read this blog, and want to make a difference, especially Christian men trying to figure out what the man God has called them to be looks like.

Mentor leadership is not about being perfect, none of us are. It is about investing ourselves into the lives of those men around us to do everything we can to help them become better at being men. From a Christian viewpoint….more like Christ.

Mr. Allen’s life could easily have ended like many from his background, young men with no father at home, or a father that is lost in his own world of addiction or self-destructive behaviours that were passed to him, in most cases by his father. He could have gotten caught up in drugs, gang activity, that can sometimes substitute, in a negative way, for missing leadership from a missing  father. He could have missed out on such an incredible opportunity as an NFL player, and he could have continued the vicious circle of absent T father and helped to  create a whole new generation of young men to do it all over again.

One man’s actions, not asked for, not sought out by Mr. Allen, by simply stepping onto this young mans life,  yet so very powerful, anyone of us could do easily. We just need to look around to see the need. Look within your family, look in your neighborhood, look around at Church, just because a young man is a christian does not guarantee things will all turn out alright. I recently took a poll at the prison where I have the privilege to preach and teach and out of a group of 40 inmates nearly all were professing Christians, some of them were Christians who grew up in Church and still find themselves waking up each morning behind bars…

Men of God awake!!!

I understand the grind. I had a family of 6 to provide for and the only way I knew how to do that was to work a lot of overtime, 60 and 70 hrs. a week of overtime. That can be very hard on the family, especially if your relationship with God is not what it should be. It requires teamwork with your spouse and doing things when you are very tired and burned out. I have been there. It was not fun, and without God’s help, that is, looking to and leaning on God’s help, success can be allusive.

The fact is you can not do it alone. You need other men of moral character in you life, men of all ages and experience that can be a resource to help guid and advise when you are lost in the day-to-day grind.

Early on in our country it was not uncommon for two, tree,  or more generations to live in the same house or on the same property ( no I am not quite that old ) giving the men of the family, other men of varying age and experiences to help each man develop into the man he would become.

Today families are spread all over the country, if you are lucky there is a father-son relationship that will help the young man develop and build character into his life. Personally I have two brothers, one in South Carolina, one in Indiana. they each have a son and now their sons are starting families as well. We seldom see each other, and the boys have lives of their own as well so we see each other even less. I have followed news of them through the years but there are very large gaps from their youth, years that would go by without interaction. The evidence says, that for many of us, the key is being intentional about keeping in touch with the men of our families. We have to make a little time to send a word of encouragement, or to challenge them when they need to do better. It’s all about priority and taking control of our time, and challenging our own character to be the man God has called us to be.

Recently my Uncle Willie passed away. Again there was a long distance between us. We would take a family vacation almost every year, travel to Ohio and visit family there. My mother had many brothers most of which lived in the same area, but only one sister. Uncle Willie was her husband.

When we found out Willie had an aggressive cancer and only had about 6 mos. to live, it was tough. We all love him. “He is our rock ” was a phrase I heard many times as the family shared their grief over the inevitable. Next to my own father Uncle Willie was the other dominate male influence in my life. All of my uncles are unique and have added to my character, but Uncle Willie was special. Maybe because we spent more time there because of the relationship between sisters. ( Mom and Aunt Hellen ) maybe it was my cousin Richard, Willies son and about my age, but my heart tells me it was the stature and character of my Uncle Willie that made such an impression on me. I could go on and on about the man he was, a christian, a loving husband, a big man cut and strong, yet his favorite pastime as I remember was gardening and working with plants and flowers. He would spend one on one time with my brother and I each time we were there. He did the same with my sons, and I would be willing to bet with all the young men in his circle of influence. God had put Aunt Helen and Uncle Willie on my heart not two weeks before the news of the cancer, and I had gone for the weekend so see them. Among my last memories of Him are the two of us sitting in his Sunday School class sharing about the Lord.  He set an example for me to see just what a Godly man looks like. That image did not pass with him but in some ways has found itself in me, in Richard who has stepped up and taken on his fathers responsibilities in the family.

That is the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. one that lives on in the men my life has touched. One that carries the gospel forward into the next generation and reproduces itself in the next generation and on, until the Lord returns. One that teaches men how to get back up and finish their race even if they have fallen and are far behind the others.

So how can you take back your time and begin to structure an intentional, balanced effort to reach out to the ones God has already put on your heart?

Is it worth the effort?

When will you begin?

This is a New Year, a time for retrospect, self-examination, new and renewed commitment.

What will you do now, to embody the MAN God has called you to be???