Mentoring while being mentored, what might that look like?

” As we’ve seen what differentiates the mentor leader from other types of leaders is focus. Mentor leaders realize that leadership is not about them. Instead, they look beyond themselves, focusing on the people they lead and where they should be going together. Over time, the result is that the people they lead are better able to handle all situations, even stressful ones, and the organization, team, business, church, or family is better as well. ”   Tony Dungy  THE MENTOR LEADER.

I currently have mentors in my life…Tony Dungy, we have never met, but Tony is most definitely having an impact in my life through his devotional guide as well as his other books. My Pastor is my mentor in teaching and by his example. Pastor Daman, Pastor Augustine, Men’s group leader Bob Taylor, Broken Chains leader Ben Keebler, all of the men in our men’s group,some of the men I work with, My boss and co. owner by his example and humility. Family members, etc. All have encouraged me, built me up, strengthened me, shown me honorable and moral ways of handling certain situations. I am being mentored while being intentional and focused on mentoring the men around me.. It really is a team mentality. Having one or two leaders among the group is great, having 100% of the group participating in making the guy next to them better, helping them hone their skills and gifts, is even better and more comprehensive.

Some of you would like to live lives that lead but think you lack the ability or are fearful of failing or somehow causing harm. Let me encourage you by saying that each of us is unique and individual in how our skills and gifts combine to make us who we are. It is my belief that God has made each of us with unique attributes to contribute to those around us. There are certain situations and circumstances you are most gifted to respond to and provide mentoring leadership. You will know when, where, and how, just be willing to act.

You know the difference between selfish, self-centered leadership and leading with the focus and intent to make everyone around you better, that is to help them along  in becoming the best they can be at what they do or contribute to the group. It comes from a place of humility, understanding that helping those around you achieve, may take the spotlight away from your own achievement and success as society views it. In fact you expect that it will do just that, and that is ok because the focus is not about you but those lives you impact and contribute to.

I have to tell you that my past is full of failure in this area, especially with my family. Looking back it was like a perfect storm. The ignorance and self centeredness of youth. The lack of mentor leaders I allowed close to me then. The volatile circumstances that occurred. Poor judgement, bad choices, focus on myself, not being thoughtful and intentional in responding to negative events within my marriage, misperceptions about myself and my part in all of this. Everything spiraled out of control, going from a place of incredible blessing and success to anger, bad choices and the destruction of my family.

Like some of you do now, I carried around a huge load of guilt, rightly deserved by the way, and became nothing. Nothing was vital to me anymore, no passion for anything. My oldest son took his own life and I took all of the blame upon myself. I was his father, I am his father, I have responsibility there.

There were so many lives I damaged, so much harm done to people I loved the most and it seemed to be totally out of my control. This says nothing about the peripheral damage from lack of leadership to all of those lives I touched during those years when I was drifting. Lives that I might have influenced and encouraged instead of being depressed and self-absorbed. I needed some sort of intervention and in my experience I have to say only God could provide what I needed. Thankfully He did. I was able to give Him my guilt. The guilt that I created and deserved, He took upon His own shoulders and set me free to live again.

So what about it? Where are you in this picture? What kind of inward looking system do you have in place to keep you honest with yourself and focused on others and their developement, even if it means you get none of the credit for their accomplishments. What does your humility standard look like? How can you get out from under the guilt that you know is keeping you down? How can you get back the sence that you are not out of control, just riding the wind where ever it takes you? Who do you allow close enough to speak the truth into your life, to hold you accountable and guide you to face yourself and your responsibilities? These are things for us to consider and discuss. We each have a story and have found some of the answers that together make us all better as we build a culture of men that lead, empower and encourage now and for the next group of young men perpetually.