I had already begun the blog for this week, when God heavily burdened me to share this story with you. I believe there is someone out there that needs this right now….so per God’s leading this is for you.
This is a story about a beautiful young lady whom I know. I will not share her name with you, because I do not want in any way for this to somehow be used to hurt her.
I will call her Mary…Mary was about 13 years old. She came from a christian home and had siblings, of which she was the oldest. They went to Church together, played together, served in some of the ministries together as a family. Anyone looking in from the outside would observe a loving, caring, family unit. You might say they could be seen as the ” perfect family ” as perfection goes among people.
What no one knew was for the last six or seven years, the father had been sexually molesting his own daughter. It came out during a conversation Mary was having with her mother. Faced with such a horrendous accusation, there was a lot of questioning and assuring of the facts here. Once mom was convinced of the truth of the accusations ( within a short time of an hr. not days ) she called a friend at the Church with whom she worked to get counseling on how to handle this. They came to the conclusion to speak to the father and give him the opportunity to turn himself in. If he failed to do the right thing, the police would be called. The father did turn himself into the police. He is subsequently in prison serving his sentence.
There was absolute chaos within the family for a while. Mary was terribly torn between the love she still felt for her father and the other emotions that overwhelmed her, shame guilt,anger, disappointment, etc. The siblings were dealing with anger at their sister for having turned in their father, so that he was sent to jail and away from them, anger at the father for what he did to their sister.
All the while the Mother was reeling from this deception and betrayal, while trying to be strong and an example to her children, of how to give these things to the Lord and put their trust in Him.
Statistics show that most sexually abused persons, girls and boys, begin to act out. They rebel against everything, turning to  drugs, drinking, sexual promiscuity,etc. Self-destructive behaviour that can often lead even to suicide.
There were a lot of people who came along side this family to love on them and support them. Mom got christian counseling for the family and special counseling for Mary and all of this helped them. There were outbursts of anger and running for a while. But the one thing that stands out in all of this was how the women surrounding Mary began to come along side of her. They re-affirmed her innocence and beauty. They were there just to listen. They were all encouraging her and supporting her, giving her the assurance that as women she was accepted among them and dearly loved. I personally believe this mentoring by the women she loved and trusted was the single most impactful thing that helped her move past what could have been permanent damage and unrelenting pain, to a place where she knows God’s peace, and that even though it still hurts it will be ok.
As men we do not often have this kind of support system in place, even within the Church.
I went to see the father in jail. He and I had just begun to form a friendship before this came out. I didn’t know what to say to him. I can not imagine …
I hear stories of this nature, of men abusing children. The gutt reaction is to take them out and hang them, and indeed that may be just what they deserve. But then there is God’s grace….the fact is none of us deserves God’s love or forgiveness, outside of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The true test of christian character is not so much how we deal with the ordinary storms of life but how we act in the horrific and tragic.
I visited him in jail, he had already been beaten up several times, and God only knows what else had been done to him. I have done ministry in prison and jails for some time, and this type of crime does not go un noticed by the inmates. I told him that I didn’t understand how he could do such a thing, but that what ever happened from here on , he didn’t have to go through it alone, that as terrible as this is, God still loved him and would forgive him, and he could find peace with Him.
I saw a few pictures of Mary the other day. She has found that beauty, and look of peace and innocence again. She looks happy and is active in her church among those women who love her and whom she knows will always be there for her.
Would to God that we could develop such a culture among us as men. Maybe we could tear down these social images promoting sexual behaviour that permeate us as men, perverting that which God intended to be beautiful and pure, and begin to mentor and lead our next generation to be the men God intended us all to be.