Recently I involved myself in the prison ministry of our Church. I have worked in this area of ministry before and I felt God’s leading, back into this ministry. I feel God’s call on my life to work with, mentor and lead men, not as one who has done it all correctly, but as one who has made many horrendous mistakes. God has taught me lessons through my sin and poor choices. The Scripture says:

Romans 8:28; And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Truly God has taken what Satan intended for evil and has turned it into a force for good. I have perceptions and incite into thought processes and know the signs of coming pitfalls because the hurt, guilt and shame of falling into these choices and behaviours have burned them into my mind. Surrendered to God these weaknesses become sources for God to manifest His power in my life.

II Corinthians 12:9; But He said to me, ” My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So here I am leading worship in prison each Sunday and a Bible study each Tuesday night. This Tuesday was our first Bible study, so we were getting acquainted. I shared some of the things God has done in my life and even though I have never been arrested for breaking the law of the land, I am just as guilty before God because if we have broken just one of the laws of God ( and we all have ) then we are guilty of the entire law according to Scripture. So we are all the same as far as God is concerned. The only difference between me and the men inside is that there is a social penalty for the laws they violated. We can devastate a life with harsh words, abuse our spouse verbally, and destroy ou children and families with poor choices and bad behaviour and never spend a minuet in jail. We can fail to be the kind of men we should be as christians before the world, fail to show the love of Christ to our brothers, cheat on our wives, live a lie, and destroy everyone we touch and not break the law of man. You get the picture. We are held to a higher standard, not because we are better but because we are His.

So, Tuesday night, I am asking questions of them and answering their questions. I am trying to get a feel for the type of group we have and how to best lead them in study. I asked their permission to find out how many of them profess to be christians and with their approval asked. Almost every hand went up, professing Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

The response took me a little by surprise. I thought there would be some among them who were Christian but among 40 men in prison, I did not expect nearly everyone. Granted there could be some who felt some pressure to respond because of the environment or the dynamics at work socially there. Some my hold a different definition of the terms used to describe the salvation experience, Even so this is something worth looking at. How many of these men were christians before coming to prison? If even half of this group were christians before prison, what does that say about the Church and how we lead, mentor  and relate to each other as men of God? Somewhere somehow we are missing it.

I understand and believe we are all individually accountable for our action. We are responsible for the choices we make and for our own salvation and spiritual developement. If we choose to isolate ourselves, avoid God’s people, take no intentional action to grow in the Lord etc. bad things will happen. But I also believe we as christian men who do seek God’s presence in our lives and are surrendered to Him, have a responsibility to be vigilent and sensitive to those men in our circles of influence, especially brothers in Christ, to step into their lives and speak truth to them when we see signs of falling away, depression or anything that might indicate the need for mentor leadership. After all the number one evidence of a good mentor leader is that we make everyone around us better.

It is time for a change. This is not new or original with me. Our Men’s group leader at Church has been teaching on this subject for several months and it is changing the men’s culture in our Church. Men have been stepping up to take leadership roles in various ministries of the Church. We have allowed ourselves to draw closer to one another and given permission to allow our brothers to speak into our lives to question and encourage one another. More than an accountability partner, more than another small group. All of these things are good but we are after more. We want to develop a culture, hopefully that will spread beyond our Church, where we mentor, lead one another throughout our circles of influence that becomes perpetual and self developing to include the next generation of men as well.

I want to challenge every man who reads this to consider starting a conversation about this in your own Church or work place, family members and see how we can help each other be better men.

Some great resources for learning more about how to develop this kind of environment  would be  the Bible of course but along with that Toney Dungy’s Book The Mentor Leader,  also  there are books by John Eldridge that will get you off to a great start. Remember it all starts with a conversation, Wouldn’t it be great if we could reach these inmates before they become inmates, to provide encouragement and leadership from other men who love them like Jesus…..Just a thought.

It seems that this time of year brings out the best and the worst in us. You have stories like the tragedy that occurred in CT this week. Someone obviously in pain, striking out in a horrible way to share that pain. May I say here that my prayers and the prayers of my family go out for all of those effected by this horrific tragedy.

This story begs the question What if?  What if there had been someone in the life of the person who committed these terrible acts. Someone with influence that could have served as mentor to speak truth into his life and provide leadership and bestow moral character through a relationship of influence.

Apparently the shooter was from a broken home, described as a nice kid. His parents had divorced about three years prior and his father had recently re-married.

I do not know the family and I am certainly not making any accusations or judgements here. Adam reportedly killed his mother before going on this killing spree and this family is suffering along with the families of those killed at the school.

What I am saying is that there is a crisis level of absent-T fathers in this country, due to many factors, and it obviously is taking a toll on our children.

I have been involved in several different prisons, and currently working with two institutions in Indiana. In almost every case there has been a lack of participation by the father in the lives of these men. Wrong is wrong, and having a tough upbringing is no excuse for wrong choices or bad behaviour, but the evidence is telling. Men need to be mentored by men. I learned recently through the men’s group leader at our church, that manhood is bestowed upon young men.

In primitive cultures there is a community of men that provide a right of passage to the younger men at a designated time in their lives, transitioning them from boyhood to manhood. Along with this privilege of transition comes membership in the community of men, bringing responsibility and accountability to the mew member.

So what is the point here?? We are probably not going to revert to a tribal culture in this country, although an argument could be made that gangs provide the same right of passage and sense of community and family.Is it coincidental that these gangs are formed primarily of the segment of society where dad’s are predominately missing.

We as men have an incredible opportunity in front of us that can make a huge impact in reducing prison population, crime, disasters like that in CT, countless situations triggered by the lack of mentor leadership in the lives of the young men in our circles of influence.

Would you pray with me about becoming involved in the life of a young man you know? Would you be willing to step out of your comfort zone a little and trust God to lead you in bringing life changing leadership into the life of some young man? All of the statistics support the idea that if we all act, become mentor leaders in our community of men, It can change our entire society.

So how about it? Look around you, there are opportunities everywhere…and may God bless you as you serve.

P.S. For those of you looking for opportunities to serve…check out the website “thementoringproject.org “. They are working on partnering Churches and Big Brothers, Big Sisters, to connect you with kids that need a mentor.

Here is a quote from an article by sports writer Bob Kravitz in the Indianapolis Star after the Colts-Lyons game.

” And here’s the thing that made it even sweeter, a thing you may have missed while watching on TV: On a Don Carey interception with 6:40 to play, Ndamukong Suh laid out Colts right tackle Winston Justice, who left the game with a concussion. Worse, Suh and his teammates stood over Justice and laughed and danced.

After the game, the Colts tough-minded right guard, Mike McGlynn, was still spitting mad. In fact, he didn’t run into the end zone to celebrate. He was too busy jawing with Suh and some other Lions.

“Totally ignorant on their part,” McGlynn said. “Just childish stuff. We’re all battling out there; I don’t know if the hit was legal or not, but clearly he was hurt, and they’re out there dancing and pointing at him and laughing. Just blatant disrespect. They’re good players but there’s no room for that. It’s disgusting, really.

“If that had happened to one of their players, we’d never do something like that. But that’s what makes this even sweeter. That’s why they lose. I hope they never win another game.”

This is a team with an edge, a sense of belief, a sense of purpose. “We’re going to fight the way our coach is fighting,” Arians said.

A great story just keeps getting better. “

So, whats wrong with this picture? Did the Lyons players do anything wrong? Was the Colt player’s response  correct?

I have to tell you that the Colt Fan in me wishes McGlynn would have knocked SUH’s block off.

I think most of us, have a built-in sense of fair play. The Lord says on many occasions about our relationship with him that we should …” seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with our God “.  So there is a part of us that sides with McGlynn in seeing these prideful, disrespectful actions as wrong and calling for justice. However we can be 100% correct in our opinion about a wrong and still be 100% incorrect in how we respond to it.

As husbands and fathers we often find ourselves in a position to exercise mentor leadership with our spouse or children, even other husband, fathers. How we respond to injustice will affect all of these relationships either in a positive way or a negative way. If you look at the reference from the Bible previously quoted, the phrase mercy and humility are tied to how we respond to injustice. That puts our response into a specific perspective, like that of Jesus Christ. Unjust acts solicit angry aggressive behaviour from us. A reaction I believe God put in us to motivate us toward addressing injustice. But at the same time tempering those actions with love, mercy and humility. Because as Christians we want our response to point people to the love and forgiveness of Christ.

This includes times when we are being judged or treated unfairly by our spouse or family member. Taking the time to prayerfully respond in these situations is crucial to building trust and intimacy with them. What could be a show of uncontrolled anger and aggression is instead an opportunity to mentor them, encouraging their spiritual growth and character developement. They have the opportunity to become better people because we prayerfully respond rather than emotionally react in the moment. That is what mentor leadership is all about, making those around you better by showing them a better way to respond in bad situations by being better ourselves. Jesus said to love your neighbor is easy try loving your enemy, that is hard ( paraphrased ). It is in those moments, when we would be justified to go into an angry rage against the one who has done the unjust thing, that we have the greatest opportunity to teach  and bestow mercy, forgiveness and grace not only to the one who is deserving of our anger, but to all of those who see it or even hear of it.

Mentoring while being mentored, what might that look like?

” As we’ve seen what differentiates the mentor leader from other types of leaders is focus. Mentor leaders realize that leadership is not about them. Instead, they look beyond themselves, focusing on the people they lead and where they should be going together. Over time, the result is that the people they lead are better able to handle all situations, even stressful ones, and the organization, team, business, church, or family is better as well. ”   Tony Dungy  THE MENTOR LEADER.

I currently have mentors in my life…Tony Dungy, we have never met, but Tony is most definitely having an impact in my life through his devotional guide as well as his other books. My Pastor is my mentor in teaching and by his example. Pastor Daman, Pastor Augustine, Men’s group leader Bob Taylor, Broken Chains leader Ben Keebler, all of the men in our men’s group,some of the men I work with, My boss and co. owner by his example and humility. Family members, etc. All have encouraged me, built me up, strengthened me, shown me honorable and moral ways of handling certain situations. I am being mentored while being intentional and focused on mentoring the men around me.. It really is a team mentality. Having one or two leaders among the group is great, having 100% of the group participating in making the guy next to them better, helping them hone their skills and gifts, is even better and more comprehensive.

Some of you would like to live lives that lead but think you lack the ability or are fearful of failing or somehow causing harm. Let me encourage you by saying that each of us is unique and individual in how our skills and gifts combine to make us who we are. It is my belief that God has made each of us with unique attributes to contribute to those around us. There are certain situations and circumstances you are most gifted to respond to and provide mentoring leadership. You will know when, where, and how, just be willing to act.

You know the difference between selfish, self-centered leadership and leading with the focus and intent to make everyone around you better, that is to help them along  in becoming the best they can be at what they do or contribute to the group. It comes from a place of humility, understanding that helping those around you achieve, may take the spotlight away from your own achievement and success as society views it. In fact you expect that it will do just that, and that is ok because the focus is not about you but those lives you impact and contribute to.

I have to tell you that my past is full of failure in this area, especially with my family. Looking back it was like a perfect storm. The ignorance and self centeredness of youth. The lack of mentor leaders I allowed close to me then. The volatile circumstances that occurred. Poor judgement, bad choices, focus on myself, not being thoughtful and intentional in responding to negative events within my marriage, misperceptions about myself and my part in all of this. Everything spiraled out of control, going from a place of incredible blessing and success to anger, bad choices and the destruction of my family.

Like some of you do now, I carried around a huge load of guilt, rightly deserved by the way, and became nothing. Nothing was vital to me anymore, no passion for anything. My oldest son took his own life and I took all of the blame upon myself. I was his father, I am his father, I have responsibility there.

There were so many lives I damaged, so much harm done to people I loved the most and it seemed to be totally out of my control. This says nothing about the peripheral damage from lack of leadership to all of those lives I touched during those years when I was drifting. Lives that I might have influenced and encouraged instead of being depressed and self-absorbed. I needed some sort of intervention and in my experience I have to say only God could provide what I needed. Thankfully He did. I was able to give Him my guilt. The guilt that I created and deserved, He took upon His own shoulders and set me free to live again.

So what about it? Where are you in this picture? What kind of inward looking system do you have in place to keep you honest with yourself and focused on others and their developement, even if it means you get none of the credit for their accomplishments. What does your humility standard look like? How can you get out from under the guilt that you know is keeping you down? How can you get back the sence that you are not out of control, just riding the wind where ever it takes you? Who do you allow close enough to speak the truth into your life, to hold you accountable and guide you to face yourself and your responsibilities? These are things for us to consider and discuss. We each have a story and have found some of the answers that together make us all better as we build a culture of men that lead, empower and encourage now and for the next group of young men perpetually.